THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

Act 3 Scene 2

(Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio as Lucentio, Katherine, Bianca, and others, attendants)
l1l	Baptista	(to Tranio)
		 Signor Lucentio, this is the ’pointed day
l2l		That Katherine and Petruccio should be married,
l3l		And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
l4l		What will be said, what mockery will it be,
l5l		To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
l6l		To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage?
l7l		What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?
l8l	Katherine	No shame but mine. I must forsooth be forced
l9l		To give my hand opposed against my heart
l10l		Unto a mad-brain rudesby full of spleen,
l11l		Who wooed in haste and means to wed at leisure.
l12l		I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
l13l		Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour,
l14l		And to be noted for a merry man
l15l		He’ll woo a thousand, ’point the day of marriage,
l16l		Make friends, invite them, and proclaim the banns,
l17l		Yet never means to wed where he hath wooed.
l18l		Now must the world point at poor Katherine
l19l		And say “Lo, there is mad Petruccio’s wife,
l20l		If it would please him come and marry her.”
l21l	Tranio	Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista, too.
l22l		Upon my life, Petruccio means but well.
l23l		Whatever fortune stays him from his word,
l24l		Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise#
l25l		Though he be merry, yet withal he’s honest.
l26l	Katherine	Would Katherine had never seen him, though.
		(Exit weeping)
l27l	Baptista	 Go, girl. I cannot blame thee now to weep.
l28l		For such an injury would vex a very saint,
l29l		Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.
		(Enter Biondello)
l30l	Biondello	 Master, master, news—old news, and such
l31l		news as you never heard of.
l32l	Baptista	Is it new and old too? How may that be?
l33l	Biondello	Why, is it not news to hear of Petruccio’s
l34l		coming?
l35l	Baptista	Is he come?
l36l	Biondello	Why, no, sir.
l37l	Baptista	What then?
l38l	Biondello	He is coming.
l39l	Baptista	When will he be here?
l40l	Biondello	When he stands where I am and sees you
l41l		there.
l42l	Tranio	But say, what to thine old news?
l43l	Biondello	Why, Petruccio is coming in a new hat and
l44l		an old jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice-turned, a
l45l		pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled,
l46l		another laced, an old rusty sword ta’en out of the town
l47l		armoury with a broken hilt, and chapeless, with two
l48l		broken points, his horse hipped, with an old mothy
l49l		saddle and stirrups of no kindred, besides, possessed
l50l		with the glanders and like to mose in the chine, troubled
l51l		with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of
l52l		windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows,
l53l		past cure of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers,
l54l		begnawn with the bots, weighed in the back and
l55l		shoulder-shotten, near-legged before and with a half-
l56l		cheeked bit and a headstall of sheep’s leather which,
l57l		being restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been
l58l		often burst and now repaired with knots, one girth six
l59l		times pieced, and a woman’s crupper of velour which
l60l		hath two letters for her name fairly set down in studs,
l61l		and here and there pieced with packthread.
l62l	Baptista	Who comes with him?
l63l	Biondello	O sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned
l64l		like the horse, with a linen stock on one leg and a
l65l		kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red and
l66l		blue list# an old hat, and the humour of forty fancies
l67l		pricked in ’t for a feather—a monster, a very monster
l68l		in apparel, and not like a Christian footboy or a
l69l		gentleman’s lackey.
l70l	Tranio	 ’Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion#
l71l		Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparelled.
l72l	Baptista	I am glad he’s come, howsoe’er he comes.
l73l	Biondello	 Why, sir, he comes not.
l74l	Baptista	Didst thou not say he comes?
l75l	Biondello	Who? That Petruccio came?
l76l	Baptista	Ay, that Petruccio came.
l77l	Biondello	No, sir. I say his horse comes with him on his
l78l		back.
l79l	Baptista	Why, that’s all one.
l80l	Biondello	> Nay, by Saint Jamy,
l81l		I hold you a penny,
l82l		A horse and a man
l83l		Is more than one,
l84l		And yet not many.
		(Enter Petruccio and Grumio, fantastically dressed)
l85l	Petruccio	 Come, where be these gallants? Who’s at
l86l		home?
l87l	Baptista	 You are welcome, sir.
l88l	Petruccio	And yet I come not well.
l89l	Baptista	And yet you halt not.
l90l	Tranio	Not so well apparelled as I wish you were.
l91l	Petruccio	Were it not better I should rush in thus—
l92l		But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?
l93l		How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown.
l94l		And wherefore gaze this goodly company
l95l		As if they saw some wondrous monument,
l96l		Some comet or unusual prodigy?
l97l	Baptista	Why, sir, you know this is your wedding day.
l98l		First were we sad, fearing you would not come#
l99l		Now sadder that you come so unprovided.
l100l		Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
l101l		An eyesore to our solemn festival.
l102l	Tranio	And tell us what occasion of import
l103l		Hath all so long detained you from your wife
l104l		And sent you hither so unlike yourself?
l105l	Petruccio	Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear.
l106l		Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
l107l		Though in some part enforcèd to digress,
l108l		Which at more leisure I will so excuse
l109l		As you shall well be satisfied withal.
l110l		But where is Kate? I stay too long from her.
l111l		The morning wears, ’tis time we were at church.
l112l	Tranio	See not your bride in these unreverent robes.
l113l		Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.
l114l	Petruccio	Not I, believe me. Thus I’ll visit her.
l115l	Baptista	But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
l116l	Petruccio	Good sooth, even thus. Therefore ha’ done with words.
l117l		To me she’s married, not unto my clothes.
l118l		Could I repair what she will wear in me
l119l		As I can change these poor accoutrements,
l120l		’Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
l121l		But what a fool am I to chat with you
l122l		When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
l123l		And seal the title with a lovely kiss!
		(Exit with Grumio)
l124l	Tranio	 He hath some meaning in his mad attire.
l125l		We will persuade him, be it possible,
l126l		To put on better ere he go to church.
		(Exit with Gremio)
l127l	Baptista	 I’ll after him, and see the event of this.
		( 127 Exeunt)